To kill a cardinal
by hamandbunny
Summary: The sequell to "kareoke harry style!". And Snape gets his groove on!


Ham: Welcome. Mwha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Carmen has inspired us.  
  
To Kill a Cardinal The Sequel to Kareoke Harry Style  
  
Hermione was growing fat. Little by little, sheet cake by sheet cake, she was growing fat. As she gorged, she remembered.  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
Hermione screamed.  
  
END OF FLASHBACK  
  
And so it was.  
  
Neville entered the common room.  
  
"Hermione?" He was terrified. Could that bushy-haired blob really be his friend? Well, not really his friend. He didn't, in essence, HAVE friends. Well, sure, certain people tolerated his presense, but. He walked dejectedly up to the dormitories. It was only 3. Another early night.  
  
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Ron allowed himself to be led blindfolded. He trusted his leader. And loved him. So what if he and Harry were in love with the same person??? There was enough Draco to go around.  
  
"Ronny?", Draco whispered. And then there was silence.  
  
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Neville was drinking again. Harry could tell. He was always so rough when he drank, so unlike his usual tender self.  
  
And Hermione was growing larger by the day. She was now stuck in the common room, comsumming pie after pie, for she could no longer fit through the Fat Lady's portrait hole.  
  
And Ron was wearing those overalls again, a sure sign he was depressed.  
  
Harry longed for Draco, Neville was a good lover, but he wanted his true love.  
  
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Ginny noticed the stench right away when she entered the common room. "God, Hermione!!! Take a bath!!!"  
  
Hermione lifted her head and acknowledged Ginny's presense with a grunt.  
  
Then, she returned to her custard.  
  
Chapter 2 : Chapter 3  
  
The Cool Ball was drawing nearer. And Hermione had yet to find a date. She had invited Dean Thomas, but he had said she was too fat. Ron had slapped him for that offense. Hermione snunk into the boy's dorm and wriggled into the room. She tried to put on Ron's overalls, but they burst. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The chickens were coming nearer. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Pansy P snuck up on Harry and tapped his shoulder. "Harry, will you go to the Cool Ball with me?", she asked. "Draco won't like it." "My relationship with Draco is over. And you don't need to worry about him seeing us together." If you only knew, Harry thought. If you only knew. But aloud, he said, "sure. The cool ball it is." $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The chickens are five blocks from Hogwarts. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ When Dean entered the boy's dorm, he found Ron in tears. The overalls he loved so much were now two overall-shaped pieces of fabric. Dean's eyes narrowed. "Hermione", he whispered, "Hermione." $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The chickens are four blocks from Hogwarts. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ And the little snake whispered to Professer Sprout, "Be careful, I am death." $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The chickens are three blocks from Hogwarts. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Draco's card read, Go directly to jail, do not pass go, do not collect $200. "What does it say, Draco, what does it say?", Crabbe asked. "You now own boardwalk", said Draco. Goyle handed it over. Draco grinned. Now nothing could stop him from owning park place!!! "Take it slow, Dracy, take it real slow", he said to himself, "you'll have a monopoly soon enough." Just then, Goyle ate a house. "For every house you eat, my friend, Boardwalk gets two hotels", draco said. Goyle stared at him dumbly, and then Draco wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The chickens are two blocks from Hogwarts. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ A hobo had appeared. A hobo who bore an incredible resemblance to Snape. He entered the great hall and ran to the staff table, right up to Snape. "Brother!", he cried. Snape shuddered. His identical twin, Bill "the hobo" Snape, had found him at last. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The chickens are one block from Hogwarts. The voice got higher!!  
  
Chapter 3: The Cool Ball  
  
Snape was about to get his groove on. But Bill stopped him. "Save it for the Cool Ball, Brother!!!" But he would not get his groove on in this story. Maybe the next. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ The chickens are coming. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Hermione was in the midst of her ninth tart when the chickens came. She had been waiting. "Master", they clucked. But only she could understand. She shoved them under her shirt. They were not noticeable amidst her girth. The chickens had arrived. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ And that's the end of that chapter.  
  
Chapter 4: All's well that ends well, I suppose. Tehe  
  
Draco watched Harry walk up, Pansy on his arm. He slapped Harry. "It's over!", he shouted, "And this time I mean it!" He stalked off. Everyone at the cool ball thought he was talking to Pansy. Everyone but Professer McGonagal. She alone knew the truth. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  
  
Ron found an unmarked brown paper bag on his bed. It read Ron. So he opened it. Inside was a brand new pair of overalls. And two chicken feathers. He wiped away a tear. "A gift from Shemus, from beyond the grave." No one had seen Shemus, or his chiken suit, since the Yule ball. He didn't know the true giver of his gift. DRACO!!!!!  
  
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Bill embraced Hermione. "It's been a long time." Snape watched in disgust. "Yes", said Hermione, "it has." "Why are you talking to her, brother?", asked Snape. "Because", replied the hobo, "she is my wife." Lavender fainted. The great hall fell silent. And the chickens flew away. 


End file.
